Herdless

I read Hermann Hesse's Siddhartha (1922) yesterday. It is a book Magnus recommended earlier this year, said it had greatly influenced his thoughts, I think, although he apparently didn't contract the severe individualism of the protagonist who says, "I must judge for myself. I must choose and reject." I like the economy of words - pleasure to an ADD mind. I'm not an expert, but the novel reads like a Buddhist parable, only Eastern spiritual enlightenment crosses with Western intellectual enlightenment, slips into the New Age God-less humanism of someone like Oprah's Eckhart Tolle.

Nobody was so alone as he. He was no nobleman, belonging to any aristocracy, no artisan belonging to any guild and finding refuge in it, sharing its life and language. He was no Brahmin, sharing the life of the Brahmins, no ascetic belonging to the Samanas. Even the most secluded hermit in the woods was not one and alone; he also belonged to a class of people. Govinda had become a monk and thousands of monks were his brothers, wore the same gown, shared his beliefs and spoke his language. But he, Siddhartha, where did he belong? Whose life would he share? Whose language would he speak?

I love the idea of bucking the herd - not for its own sake, but to avoid herding - for its own sake. Homeless as I am vocation-wise, there is the anticipation of finding a place to belong, yet also the aversion of slipping into a place to belong. Many slip. In dance, I feel like a nomad. Sometimes, with a style or certain dancers I think, "Have I found it! Is this home?" but shortly after, "I don't think so". Maybe I am too picky. Maybe I am too averse. This evening is the second rehearsal for Jessica's O School Recital item, which I am very privileged to be in. Again, she was for me the main attraction in T.H.E's The Man in the Centre, where she seemed a little slave-driven into the vigorous dance sequences and more sustained partnerwork. I wonder what really centres her. Family, sometimes? Dance? Dance de-centres me. Nothing calls to attention the self like the entire self in motion, in front of a mirror, in front of a camera, in front of people. There you are. Eek!

These eyes do not tolerate 3D, a both physically and mentally painful experience. I go to the cinema not to visit the amusement park. Stop waving, throwing, flying things at my face! No Ooh or Aah here, only Ouch. The way figures jut out in a second plane from the background like cardboard cut-outs is ironically less realistic than 2D. The pop-up effect used clumsily kills the idea of the frame, makes it irrelevant. There is no more composition, no more perception of the scene as a whole. Watching Step Up 3D, the only thing 3D seems to handle well is ground perspectives, the worm's eye view - that and waving, throwing, flying things at your face, if that's your thing.

At the start of Step Up 3D, the clichéd question Why dance? gives rise to clichéd responses such as "it's like breathing, it's like walking to me", "I'm more myself when I dance than any other moment in the day", "when you dance, you are free". They are probably honest, and therefore are true, but when it comes to say, an awkward boy, "I'm more myself when I dance than any other moment in the day" may not be a purely desirable feeling. Dance really is an extension of the personality. Breathing and walking are, regrettably, two of my lesser skills.

I'm quite sick of instructors saying This is dancing, that is not, This is hip hop, that is not. Worst of all, it smells of herds and half-knowledge. It's always men, do you realize? There is likely a direct connection between boundaries and ego: 贬低别人抬高自己. It is impersonal, unconscious, irritating. It's probably also a man who says This is the enemy, This is marriage, This is God, This is Sparta!!!! I am not ignorant, but you are hateful. I'm not preaching. I'm venting. Ugh!

Sometimes I wish I could separate the dance from the politics, philosophy of the dancer. In Osaka though, I wish I knew what they were saying. The instruction is at a different level. We took three classes from Megumi, and though I sensed her a creature of repetition and experience, there is still sharpness and attentiveness in her teaching. Yokoi gave a presidential speech, in the best-possible sense. How strange to find a hip hop dancer who carries himself with such noble poise. In parts, Kato reminded me of Daniel (complete with crazy hair), Kyogo of Bryan (complete with forearms knocking a big cross while frowning), Takami of Choon Hui (complete with love for kids), and Masumi of E-Chiing (complete with slo-mo sit-ups). Akane was super cute when explaining (Wheee!), turned a beast when dancing. Yukimi's choreography seemed simple but nobody did it like her. Mika Nagaya lost herself in the music, swaying, Yoko Ono hair down, eyes closed, while a dancer seemed to scream, Look at me! Look at me! Tomoko liked to close her eyes too, but maybe all modern dancers tend towards spiritualism (kookiness). Hal with anime enthusiasm was not-so-secretly a sadistic slave-driver. Shingo rox my sox thrice over - rock star dancer without the rock star ego. I loved his and Reiko's classes the most. Reiko was perfectly imperfect. Rarely is someone in public so oneself all the time, and probably unconsciously so too. The four most pure-awe-inspiring dancers must be Reiko every time she moved or marked, Narie flowing a mighty river to Toni Braxton's Yesterday, the heavily under-rated Sayaka doing isolations (you can check out her contortionist hip hop here and here), and perhaps most unexpectedly jaw-dropping of all, Lee warming up to lush epic ballads. I know Sheila said years ago when you warm up, you are dancing, but I only now understand what it means.

Recent discoveries
- Songbird - elegant and flawed, like Google Chrome, so I will try to stick and adapt to it.
- Microsoft Security Essentials - free anti-virus, y'all! Quick and compact - definitely one of the best things Microsoft has come up with. (via Digital Life)
- Flip SlideHD - I don't own one, but very attractive.
- this Boyzone video - a nice tribute to Stephen Gately. Didn't know he and Ronan were so close.
- producer Greg Kurstin - Marina and the Diamonds' Oh No!, Lily Allen's entire second album, Kylie Minogue's Wow, All Saints' Rock Steady.
- choreographer Tony Testa, who was a Janet dancer for a couple of years, and devised the recent America's Got Talent Kylie performance, which may roughly be described as gentleman's voguing (in stripper clothes). He's only 23. I still wonder who did the choreography for All I See.
- HuK (Chris Loranger), my favourite StarCraft 2 player, who hails from Canada. Full of personality. I was fortunate to catch his hilarious mothership rush live.
- Byrne and Cook's Here Lies Love - this I own: an album-musical about Imelda Marcos; songs sadly sound better apart than together. Still, an incredible effort.
- Rubicon - nothing has quite lived up to its pilot, which I love for its beautiful snail pace and Allen Coulter's direction.
- Slaughterhouse-Five (1969) - Kurt Vonnegut's autobiographical comedy about the Dresden bombing in World War Two. Billy Pilgrim would fare well with the idiots of Tristram Shandy. The first couple of chapters are laugh-out-loud funny.